MEM: December 2009

"Ha! Ha! Ha! He-he! Heh! Yeah, personally I LOVE MEM's jokes. Ha-he-ho-ho!!! I've got to tell you some of them. Ahhh! I'm running out of space with this crazy post!!!
See there was this guy... No it was a girl who went to a restraunt... Did I mention she had a teddy bear. Then she asked how they make... no that's another joke... uh... Why did the chicken... cross the... road?"

Q: Who is big, has a funny nose, and wore glass slippers to the ball?
A: Cinderelafant!
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Q: How do you get out of a room with only a mirror, and a dresser?
A: You look in the mirror and see what you saw. Take the saw and cut the dresser in half. 2 ½ make a whole. Climb through the hole!

______________Q: What did 1 slice of bread say to the other?
A: ‘’Stop loafing around!

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Q: What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?
A: Cock-a-poodle-do!
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Dear Dad,
$chool i$ great! I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can’t think of any thing I need $o ju$t $end me a card a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on

Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad

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Q: Why do opera singers make good sailors?

A: They can handle high C’s!
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A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a photo of a ghost. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot.
The happy photographer dashes to his studio, develops the film and…. learns that the photos are unexposed and completely blank.

Moral: the spirit is willing, but the flash is weak

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A boy goes to his grandpa’s house for the weekend. The 1st day, at dinner, the boy saw scrambled eggs on his plate.

"Grandpa,” the boy asked. ‘’Are these plates clean?"

"As clean as Old Dishwasher can make em’."

The next day, at breakfast….

"Grandpa," the boy asked. "Are these plates clean?"

"As clean as Old Dishwasher can make em’." etc.
On the last day when the boy was about to leave the boy’s grandpa’s dog jumped up and growled. Grandpa,"OLD DISHWASHER, BAD DOG!"
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A man from the jungle comes to America to learn new words. He goes to an opera singer.

"Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!" the opera singer sang.

The man went to a restaurant that had run out of silverware.

"Forks and knifes! Forks and knives," some people chanted.

Then the man goes to a TV store. The TV played,"Spiderman! Spiderman!"

Then he went to the doctor’s office. A group of kids were arguing about who got shots 1st. "You go 1st!"

Then he saw a dead man on the street. He went to see what was going on.

A police asked, "Who killed this man?!"
"Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!" the man sang.

"How did you kill him!?"
"Forks and knifes! Forks and knives,"
"Who let you kill him?!?!?!"

"Spiderman! Spiderman!"
"Get in the car!"
"You go 1st!"
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A 63 year old man goes into a hotel.

"May I have a room, stupid?!?" He asks the lady at the front desk.

"Oh, uhh w-we only h-h-have 1 r-r-room l-left, and it is h-h-h-haunted!!!"
"I don’t believe in ghosts, dumb bell! I just want a darn room to stay in!"
So the woman gave him the keys, and the man went to his room. He watched Up on TV, and went to sleep...

"I am the ghost! Put the money on the table."
The man put his wallet on the table, jumped out the window and ran home.

The next morning a 45 year old man came in and said to the lady at the front desk, "May I have a room, kind lady?"
"Oh, uhh w-we only h-h-have 1 r-r-room l-left, and it is h-h-h-haunted!!!"
"Oh, lovely woman, I will rid any ghost for you!"
In the room the man listened to the radio because watching TV is bad for your eyes, and then he went to bed.

At exactly 12:00 a ghost said, "I am a ghost! put the money on the table!"
The man put his wallet on the table, jumped out the window and ran home.

The next day a 2 year old baby came in.

"Goo! Woom pwease?"
"Oh, uhh w-we only h-h-have 1 r-r-room l-left, and it is h-h-h-haunted!!! And by the way aren’t you a little young?"
"No! Me 18." The baby lied.
"Uh….." The baby snatched the keys and ran to the room.

He watched Telie-Tubies on TV. Then he went to sleep.

At exactly 12:00 a ghost said, "I am a ghost put the money on the table!"
"No! I am baby! put the money in my diaper!"
So the ghost did, and jumped out the window, and ran to his gravestone.
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One day a family of mice was walking down a road. Just then a cat approached.

"Rrrrrr… Bark! Bark," The mother mouse screamed. The cat ran away. "You see kids, it pays to learn a 2nd language."
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Once a kid had a homework assignment. He had to write as many sentences as he could think of.

He saw his mother on the phone. His mom said something.

He wrote that down. That’s none of your ~~Bisnus~~ business!

Then he watched TV. Spider Man was on. He wrote down the theme song. ~~Spiter~~ Spider Man! Spider Man!

Then he listened to the radio. A song was sung. He wrote it down. I can go, I can go in a taxi, taxi!

Then he saw his sister whining. He wrote what she said. ~~Stoopd!~~ Stupid!
Then his brother walked in and complained about something. Can we get a ~~limozin~~ limousine?

Then he saw his dad watching football. He was cheering. 98! 98!

The next day at school the teacher asked him to read his sentences.

"That’s none of your business!"
"Who do I look like!?"
"Spider Man! Spider Man!"
"GO TO THE PRICIPAL’S OFFICE!!!"
"I can go, I can go in a taxi, taxi!!!"
When he arrived at the principal’s office the principal asked, "What happened?"
"Stupid!!!"
"STOP IT OR I’LL SEND YOU HOME!!!"
"Can we get a limousine?"
"I’M GOING TO TELL YOUR DAD TO SPANK YOU!!! HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!?!"

"98! 98!"